


Spill Your Guts

by woshuwoo



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Explanations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 08:39:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woshuwoo/pseuds/woshuwoo
Summary: Dirk owes Todd an explanation. Todd owes Dirk some understanding.





	Spill Your Guts

**Author's Note:**

> putting out two stories in an hour is gay culture. also dirk mentions his deadname in this so.

He gets about a half second to think “holy shit what if this doesn't work” before the bed is thrown back into the wall. Except he doesn't hit the wall. He doesn't hit anything for a moment, suspended in nowhere with no clue what's happening. Then there's a flash of color and light and he's falling, flying towards the ground faster than he's comfortable with.

The blow of landing knocks the breath out of his lungs and he wheezes as he struggles to sit up. There's sticks and rocks poking into him everywhere and leaves in his hair and literally what the fuck is going on?

He rubs his head and squints in the light as Dirk groans and sits up. Suddenly, Todd is angry. People are dead, he's God knows where, and Dirk is still completely shut off.

“What the hell just happened? Who was that, Dirk? What did he- How did he? Ugh.” Todd yanks at his hair in frustration. “What was he even talking about? Svla-”

“Stop.”

Dirk’s eyes are hard but his voice wavers.

“Shut up. Stop. Please just… don't say that.”

Something about how small he looks, how terrified, breaks Todd. He shuffles towards him, dirt staining the knees of his pants.

“Dirk?” He asks quietly, not risking anything else.

Dirk takes a deep, shuddering breath, holds it for a moment then sighs.

“Th-that was the Priest. He's… He was a part of Blackwing. I never knew much about him just that he was dangerous. That he brought in most of the subjects. He… uh. They used him… as a scare tactic a lot. He was scary. And dangerous. He was my worst fear when I was little, even more terrible than every test and punishment combined. He shows no mercy. Ever. If you cross him, you die.”

Dirk tries to breath again but it comes out in a sob. Todd's by his side in an instant, grabbing his hand in both of his and holding on tight. He doesn't speak, but he squeezes Dirk's hand, smoothing his thumb over the skin of Dirk’s wrist.

“Svl-” Dirk tries, but chokes on the words. His breathing gets quicker and Todd doesn't know what to do, but Dirk holds his breath and closes his eyes, sighing after a moment.

“Svlad Cjelli… is… it's uh… my… birth name. I changed it after I got out of Blackwing because it just… wasn't me. It isn't me. I am Dirk Gently.” Dirk is shaking, gripping Todd's hands so tight his knuckles are white. “That isn't me. It never was and never will be. I am not… Svlad. I am not Project Icarus. I am not what Blackwing created because I am me. Not a puppet. A man. A detective.”

Dirk’s eyes well up and he doesn't clench them shut in time to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“I'm sorry I never told you. I've never told anyone. I'm sorry, Todd. I'm-” He sobs and collapses against Todd. Immediately, Todd wraps his arms around him and pulls him close to his chest.

“It's okay. It's okay, Dirk. I didn't- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're okay, Dirk. You're safe. I promise. You are Dirk Gently.” Todd's voice is shaking but Dirk hugs him tighter.

The scent of damp earth, dead leaves, and sweat clings to the air. Todd realizes with a start that the salt he tastes is his own tears, slipping down his nose and leaving trails in the dust caked on his cheeks. Dirk is shaking against him, pressed so close to his chest he can feel his pulse. Todd clings to Dirk, rocking them slowly and whispering that he's fine. He speaks until his voice dies and shakes until Dirk’s breathing evens out against his skin.

He's so close, so warm, so connected. Any anger he felt has drained out of him, though there's still plenty of confusion. Todd knows he will never fully solve the mystery of Dirk Gently. As he sways with Dirk in his arms on the forest floor and presses a firm, delirious kiss to his sweaty, dust covered forehead, he thinks “that doesn't mean I can't get dragged along for the ride.”


End file.
